For Jessi

Jessika Jürgens-Cardini

One of my my favorite songs as a teenager was „Life´s what you make it“ by Talk Talk. Back then it all felt so easy, everything seemed possible if only we throw in passion, curiosity and all our energy in those things on our wish list for life – of course it never felt like that back then as the teenage soul creates its own dramas. 
Well, it did not take long in general and the bigger lessons and the deeper understanding of life kicked in in full bloom as there was and is of course this huge blind spot of existence waiting to be recognized: not all out there have the same chances to unfold, personal and socio-political circumstances extend their claws, the people around one may be not as kind as they should be – and also the simple brutality of nature shows face and some do not get the time span they deserve.

Why I write those words now?

Last week the world lost a fantastic human being: Jessika Jürgens-Cardini.
Jessi was one of those blue birds that care more about others than themselves, being way to modest to push her own agenda into the world, even tho her talent shined brighter than the sun.
Jessi looked at the world with endless curiosity, fascinated from the miracles out there we others do often not see at all. It felt to me like she was tuned in reality (whatever this is) in multiple time zones, seeing and feeling way more than us normal people. She could take you on a journey of words from one observation, reflection or option to another with glowing eyes and unstoppable enthusiasm. Sometimes I was not sure what she was talking about, but I always sure to stick to her flow as it promised some secret access I would never be able to find myself.

I tried to engage Jessi to contribute some words to kaput once or twice over the years as I wanted to read her very special thoughts on paper – somehow hoping this will also lead her to start writing the book she had in mind for so long and never allowed herself to start with; but somehow I failed against the constant demand of more jostling world matters. And when she committed to write about a project of Sarah and Lena in the late fall of 2019 it was sadly too late as the terrible illness had already started to take control about her time.

While writing these words in my head I am listening to Leonard Cohen and run alongside the Rhine. The music of Cohen has ever been a safe place to me, songs for moments of sadness and reflection, a place where I feel secure even inside an emotional storme – a place where the dichotomy of good and bad, dark and bright, dead and alive does no longer exist, instead suddenly all makes sense together. 

I am not sure what I am writing down here except that I am sure Jessi will never be forgotten by her friends, there will be always a special place in the hearts and minds of all of us and of all the people she touched with her persona during this way to short lifespan on earth.

When I think of Jessi, I think of all the carefree moments we shared, moments of joy and passion, often with music and dances. As weird as this may sound, this positive vibe was still there when the illness took over, her eyes still sparkled, her thoughts still soaked up the whole world and beyond and her words still challenged everything and everyone. Jessi embraced life and the people in her life with endless love – and her hands will keep on being on our shoulders forever and ever ever.

Love, Thomas

In accordance with Jessika’s wishes, her wife Jennifer Cardini and her friends have set up a fundraising page in support of brain cancer research. If you are able, please consider making a donation.